Ambivalence

he said, I wouldn't
bet on you if my life

depended upon it, your selfish,
recklessness being
so apparent and with fists
shoved into his soft, gray pockets, flipped
his hoodie up and definitively
walked, from her, away.

~

RNH

Dream Train

I was on a train

barreling down a tunnel

in a city I have

always lived in 

and the flashes of fluorescence

that permeated the black, dense

memory, sank into an ocean

of last bubbles. 

~

RNH

The Gambler

You risk as if you have nothing

To lose

And so will you, when I do not

Return. 

~

RNH

voyeur

bending the rules feels...
like an option, for you,
the journey itself in the reprieve
of a boundary, decent
once open, the pretense
of a curtain constantly pulled
between your legs.

~

RNH

Cup

We act like there are

no monsters or dragons in our lives,

no imminent dangers or emergencies,

And in this belief,

We feel safe. 

When the monsters and the demons
are in the lies that we tell ourselves,
that we are not strong enough
to defeat them,
And against this fire and claw,
We must fight.

~

RNH

on wings

In the forest between this life and the next

life, we are journeywomen
marking the distance and the place,
and from the galaxy to the right,
where our loved ones wait patiently
to return to us,
the butterflies dance on certain wings.

~

RNH

Mercy

For throwing me across the room,

I forgive you.

For knocking my glasses off my face,

I forgive you.

For the ripped pictures and the fierce arguments and the empty weight I carry in my heart,

I forgive you all this.

For the nights full of worry and the gnawing doubt,

For the many lessons I had to learn

by crying them out,

For the merciless hand that I dealt myself, too,

toward all this,

I must face the truth.

And the cruelty you can no longer

inflict on me

ceases to matter,

when I grant myself the power I have always had--

to forgive you. 

~

RNH

on the surface

navigating the loneliness,
a canoe in still water
glides perfectly calm, only rocks
in the breeze, back and forth
on the lies, words
that ripple, like lightning
through a tree
the boat tips then
recovers, moves on.

~

RNH

Potential

Standing outside the impermeable wall,

You look up 

And ask the sky, how
Will I achieve
Anything from this low,
Forsaken place ?
And the sky replies, how
Did you build the wall ??

~

RNH

The Wallet

exposed as a thief, a purposeful
conquest, this crime scene
burns
with white lights and yellow tape
and the only false witness
who could change death to instant
rebirth, waits
with his truth in the lost

and found.

~

RNH

gumball diamond

only the rigidity keeps you from bouncing
over obstacles, still intact
your persona, sparkles
pulsing, like a million
thrown diamonds, a trinket
from the gumball machine.

~

RNH

Almost

we almost certainly crashed
or would have, a few seconds
between past and present
the could have waiting
itching, in the wings with its costume
of tulle, pink with impatience
and nerves.

~

RNH

lighthouse

if uncertainty lengthens the shadows
gives the black water its inky command
and you fear that you stand on the lone shore
empty of fellow hearts,
reach for my hand
and then through the loud storm, I will signal
sweep through and pilot the billowing night
and into my arms, I will take you
into a house of the everlasting light.

~

RNH

confetti trust

here, letters unfold
trepidatiously torn envelopes
like a butterfly lifting
its wings from cupped hands
and the few thousand lifetimes
we've lived, slip between us
and burst through the sky
on bright squares.

~

RNH

the sand

being
with indelible stripes,
do not hide your authenticity.
in view of the sundial obscured
from their pale eyes, only
your marks define the sand.

~

RNH

The Disaster

it is a difficult pill to swallow

when the mold fits too tight and you are not
allowed to say so

when the air becomes suffocating and everyone
stands too close

when no amount of discomfort will permit
you to complain

when your efforts to reach that ever-increasing
high bar

result in little
when your landing is a hard fall, certain
and clicked helmet-free 

when that first place ribbon
to someone else, more deserving,
is given

i know, it would be so easy

just to give up. 

~

RNH

stillness

The sky waits with a patience
Seemingly endless
Formidable
In these single seconds, still
Without realization,
Entirely moved.

~

RNH

lucky

you are the luck in all my found

pennies

the joy in the tickle of landing

ladybugs. 

~

RNH

when all the waves

I remember when all the waves I drew

were upward C's, buoyant

crescents to the sun and now

I know the waves within me, blue
with a saffron light, shine
with dimensions more than few
will understand.

~

RNH

The Crane

fodder for my quill
the disintegration of those beautifully
ill-weaved intentions
oh, how my origami chest simply
crumpled
caught in the talons of your gaze
i held together, that abrasive
dark bruising kind
of love
squeezed into a box, you knew i could not
unfold from and you stood by, watching,
admiring
my change
you said we were the same creatures
needing constantly
i say,
the sky looks a whole lot brighter
without you
i lift
to a panorama, new and unwritten.

~

RNH

the flower field

nails on an auburn plywood
table pocketed with the aggression
you passively dismissed and then
confronted out of necessity
hammer to the object instead of attacking
one's skin seemed like a good idea, the circles
we travel in to solve ourselves
the dandelions that we rust into, bowing in our
laughing tears.

~

RNH

outstretched

one's ability to bend
may be misconstrued
as a whole assortment of devices
turned over in gloved
thoughts, they become
your weapons
or this
vulnerability.

~

RNH

Bold in Love

And when you've found love,

May you have the sense to treasure it,

To clasp it and never let it go. 

~

RNH

great dragons

shadows climb the wall
carvings of monsters with pitchforks
their horns and halos sway in a tall line
a black curtain, rising
melodramatically
you
dread with your candle flame flickering, imagining
great dragons
dark, fire-breathing, and in one gulp, swallowing
you whole
you, in your long robe and nightcap
they come closer
you cringe and slowly peer
and find only the bunny slippers
at your feet.

~

RNH

golden

streaming through the tree stars, feel

the brightness--warm
and immediate 

search the edges

of a stranger and look
for the golden they possess, too.

~

RNH

defense mechanism

windows slide down

doors click

and entrances wish

the inner room

to cease its systemic locking out. 

~

RNH

through the darkness

sometimes we can only
hold
each other's hands while we struggle
it is enough
to witness someone's pain and say, i
will not abandon you, i am
here with you, in the darkness.

~

RNH

Tender

I'm the type of person

that will tiptoe 

over small things,
replace earthworms to the earth's folds,

side step ants,
busy with their breadcrumb prize.
I'm the kind of person
that will bend, and still green, flourish
like the blades
through the concrete, growing
I believe this softness is invaluable. 

~

RNH

Will

Willful

Would be 

A good word for it
The strength to adhere
And the intrepidity to move on.

~

RNH

rise up

answers
bubbled up to the surface
buoyed by an independent
sense of good will, that you knew
you could, and should,
offer better
that you could, and will,
mold yourself to that goal.

~

RNH

the yard dash

how the fence looks high
when you quiver inside of it
how the distance seems long
when you have just begun
to run.

~

RNH

bare

the nakedness
of all of your
mistakes laid out
like Christmas presents
wanting nothing more
than your laundry
back in your hands.

~

RNH

Mismatched Belongings : A Short Story

Paul :

I should have been an architect. I should have pursued a career that had something to do with math. Something measurable and calculable. Something you could take apart, make sense of and put back together. Not poetry. Not the irrational matters of the heart.
But here I am. I write constantly. On the computer. At home. At work. I type and type and type. I text message and email myself words and more words. Attempting to save and catalog everything. Like math.
Like the heart is not something breakable, too.
I scribble on bar napkins. I pretend that their bleeding inky letters do not accurately reflect how I feel most of the time. On the verge of tears. Slipping. Wrecked. Running out of paper. Space to breathe. Space to exist--
but... that's not entirely true. (Writer, stop exaggerating.) MOST of the time, I am fine. I am so "fine," in fact, that no one would even notice the exact brink of catastrophe toward which I loom. I hide well beneath a highly-trained facade. Performer extraordinaire. I watched my father fake his way through every social interaction of my childhood. While he turned his real face, his depressed face, toward me.
Most people will not see my own.
I write. I scribble. I draw in the corners--cubes and three-dimensional triangles. Shapes of containment. Boxes to trap in whatever it is that I am feeling. Overwhelmed, mostly.
When the pressure is soothed by neither fuel nor fire, nor drink, nor pen, I wander down to 8th Street. Corner apartment. 4th floor. Crossing is the only one who understands.

Alison, aka "Crossing" :

She was tired of his rough drafts. They always seemed too rigid. Too impenetrable. Like a kid with his fingers stuffed in his ears, singing, "La-la-la, I can't hear you !" What good would it do to edit and proof someone's work, when they never planned on changing the stuff in the first place ? Just going through the motions. Him, writing. Her, reviewing. Him, unaltered. Her, frustrated.

Why do we do this to ourselves ?

~

RNH

remnants

it is better
that i am left
with only the small, scattered light
by which to write you, explained
the darkness to the moon
and the spiders to their destroyed
webs.

~

RNH

the shape

they are big shoes to fill
little one, with saucer-eyes
all leaders, world-changers and old souls
have felt this way and never
been handed a straight and narrow
path to follow, yours, too,
will morph and shift and how you
see
the shape of your destiny
will so much determine
its fruition.

~

RNH

V

fear is not the only force to be reckoned with
and love, the victory that names you
unconquerable.

~

RNH

lion, she

i could shake my mane like you,

said the female, and roar

as loud as your voice carries,

but lo,

i have the whole

of the sun within me

i am

quiet

and powerful, at once. 

~

RNH

bottled

there's a footprint in tiny white
blonde sugar sand particles
sticking to the underside of my fingers
so that every touch leads
to a fondness of memory imprinted
on soft land
every brush, a letter to ourselves.

~

RNH

cluck, cluck

so many chicken and egg
stories and yet the clucking
furthers no proof.

~

RNH

rung halves

when the roar of the opposition surrounds you
when the gust seems impermeable
as the concrete walls
and no surface
gently gives
lean
on the sturdy ladder
between us
and hands held, we
will sing into the wind.

~

RNH

translation

she bobs with the white circle, red
rope harnessing the distress
signal, communication
tied to a person's blink.

~

RNH

furious

resting in the temporary
like wings inside of a fire
like blossoms closed to the swirl
of discouraging wind
like the cardinal pelting
itself against the mirror.

~

RNH

not goodbye

just listen just listen just listen just
listen and tell her that you love her

~

RNH

fully

i met her on an off-day and her purple

hair did not fully register until i

fully looked at her face, chin tucked

into her collarbone, eyelashes brimming

with tears and i wished

to redo the moment, undo the scripted

roles and cursed

whoever responsible for this pain,

i thought,

if only i could cancel out their judgement--
of your own emotions,
you should not be
ashamed.

~

RNH

made-up

clown unbuttoned his eyes
and sat in his tulle and polka-dotted pile
the pointed hat further anointing his crimes
no features at all, but just a lonely doll inside.

~

RNH

welcome

if you are here
if you are meant to be
it will be as your own person
not as a filler for the void
there is no void
i am my own person, too.

~

RNH

torch

in my dreams, the memories
are an old movie, crackling
and faded with nostalgia.
your family, your children, the busy
scenes
are identical to the moving parts
we once were
a painful reminder
an ache in my heart
the closeness that only caused risk
a personality that could burst with such colorful
sparks or destroy
anyone at arm's length, i
remember
how your daughter ran to me,
from you,
for the safety
i still needed
as if, in proving
this ridiculous test of love
to myself,
it would not matter what was real.
and to that ideology and film, i now
take a torch.

~

RNH

mallow

on their sides, giant
cylinders of cotton
impress as life-size
marshmallows, white
and pillow-y spun
confection, unmelting
in this bright field.

~

RNH

"EX-"

you should probably talk about her
in the past tense, too
otherwise, i feel like i
should pull up a third
chair.

~

RNH

In Protest

i wonder what kind of father you would make
the man who has gone to work
all of his life
i wonder what kind of career you would have
the woman who has previously
stayed home and tended
children, i wonder
what kind of divide
we might not foster
if we supported instead of
competing with
each other
i wonder how long it will take to balance
out these off
center and limiting
roles and how many voices
will speak up to protest them.

~

RNH

Nomination

if i were president
i would make homelessness a lifestyle
choice, not
an inevitability
if i were president
i would reuse and recycle like it was
my favorite song, you know how
that stuff stays on perpetual replay
i would motivate with music
i would encourage us to build
a visual safe space
a place for us to express ourselves
with art and creativity
if i were president
i would
paint over the billboards
i would delete commercials
your sense of self cannot be bought, stolen or sold
if i were president
i would inspire my children to learn at their own pace
i would know that no test
score can show me how brilliant they are
i would let
teachers simply teach
if i were president
i would do away with systems that support destructive
behavior, we must
take responsibility for ourselves
and if i were president
i would begin each day by asking, what can i do to help
how can i change the world around me
i would start with the small
and never be through.

~

RNH

vanishing point

i will not walk on upturned nails
no longer will i
bow my head and pretend
that the lying unstable bridge
leads to somewhere
that the crutches in the framework
prop unseen
i
will not hide from breaking
ladders, the lattice almost collapsing, so that
an idea might be avoided
my shadows have proven the long
distance and sadness worth surviving
the vanishing.

~

RNH

&

there is a cafe with a door
and carved in it, the names of two
people who once held hands, laughed
and leaned into each other
and each frame fit the other, except
when they both slammed
shut
and now
no one on the outside
can see it.

~

RNH

belly vanilla

the laundry shifted on a vanilla-yellow line
and a warm breeze swung
and the grass knew just
what to do and as the belly
of a sheet rounded out, the blades
swayed to a song that only they heard and the clothespins,
nodding, approved.

~

RNH

all keys

your hands are the answer to my hands
the way that keys fit into doorways
the way that leaves absorb the sunshine
the way my heart is always open
when it turns toward
you
and my hands are full of possibilities
they cannot seem to find any ending
without you
the way they begin each story
with a hopeful prayer
the way they are lifted up
every day
by your love.

~

RNH

imperfectly

we joked

that the Frisbee reminded us of our own

fallibility, that no matter

how accurate we thought ourselves,

our throw still completely at

the wind's mercy.

~

RNH 

soothe

with your fingers wrapped in band-aids
you showed me the evidence
seeping through
the small degrees of pain that splintered
to gigantic slashing, the paper cuts that
domino-ed truth
and while i looked, in unfeigned sympathy,
and noted the tininess of your
distress
i remembered the invisibility that i once stung with
and bound each wound that you pointed to next.

~

RNH

splitting

the boxes had been emptied and their
contents put on shelves
the consolidation of years, birthdays
and Christmases, a history
no longer shared
and the consequence of each
splitting created
a parting just as sane
as the original good-bye:
the end of us, its own kind of rescue.

~

RNH

thorns

monsters grew voices the way
that some plants grow thorns
and the necessity
to protect one's self became embodied
in the form
of something prickly and dangerous
the way that essence guards the shorn
with teeth and carved nails
the armor to the veracity within.

~

RNH

the plank

patience walks the floorboards
treats it like a pirate's plank
destroys the laminate with her stubborn
pacing, the urgency
leaves permanent marks on the blank
worried countenance flickers
and with all keys
held prisoner runs
the risk of being open even if
no one else will.

~

RNH

two stick figures

from separate hemispheres
we write in the sky
my clouds always scripted
yours, puffy and wide
the notes easy to translate
and just as soon, torn
by the crash of one blue sea
as we stand
on different shores.

~

RNH

the hearth

around every fragility
i would build a log fire
and keep it strong, the crosshatch
of trust and stability
so that every storm weathered
would bring us closer together, the tinder
in our hands
kindled, anew.
~

RNH

a stray

not sure what caught me

about that moment

her frayed jeans fluttered

on the bench right next to me

as she tucked a stray blonde hair, a long

strand of a whisper lassoed around

on fingertips

i dug my palms into the slats 

and pretended not to hear me

fumbling

with my basket full of words 

as i bent under a feeling that refused to cooperate, that bowed 

like heavy-laden flowers, full of next year's promises

and i, too, unapologetic,  

took her hand in mine and vowed.

~

RNH

in the defense of all this

i made a list of the things that i'm afraid of
and i crumpled it up, ashamed
of what it said
and so many times i have hated
what my heart feared
and on so many days i have hated myself
for being afraid
and the spiral of self-doubt and self-
effacement is a corrosive one
and it does not leave
beautiful ideas in its wake, it empties
moments of their depth and spontaneity, it robs
the memory of its joy, insisting
blank-
faced that the only good found in this world
is selfishly driven and tiny and incrementally
doled out
for your best
and this loud, loud anarchy
sits in the middle of my kitchen banging
pots and pans of self-
importance and i
loathe her all the while.
i try to quiet the mind with reasoning
i try to explain to her with theories and i quote
all her favorite songs, she
cries louder, i point
to the fact that i am still here and she demands
to know why.
after several seconds of held breath,
i reply:
1. you are allowed to feel.
2. you are allowed to be wrong.
3. you are allowed to make all of the glorious mistakes that you are going
to make in this lifetime and keep living.
i promise none of them will break you.
i promise you will be stronger by your own choice.
but the best argument,
the greatest itemization i can make
in the defense of all this,
is
4. you are allowed to love
you are so loved
and no amount of fear can steal that.

~

RNH

vital

buried under the frozen pool
fearful of swimming, the consciousness waits
and though buoyant, at the surface warily stares
and though hopeful, toward the icy ceiling barely moves
and in the weird white light cutting
through perception
every instinct knows that down here
life will only suffocate.

~

RNH

magnetic

magnetic letters click
on the fridge and spell
out phrases, you recognize
i rearrange
and show you more
than i ever anticipated
and happy
when you learn the pieces, too.

~

RNH

purple heart

traced the buttons down

the feeling lip-locked and certain

amber eyes keep looking

around, waiting to be proven

wrong and all the cards

face-forward form

a dangerous fan when you're trying to stay

calm

and enveloped

with the curtains open and the mercurial glass

see-through.

~

RNH 

textures

texture of a tendency
the soft fur of an underbelly
the muted turquoise of a young field
bending, reaching
for the vocal wind
and the strong arms
of a glowing sky, present
in all peripherals
the welcome-home of vulnerability
to someplace safe and warm.

~

RNH

ten stars

stars fall into places
rolling dice and dot-connected
decisions, blink
in my handful of dandelion
pieces, my wishes
all for you.

~

RNH

cascade

water cascades in a pool marked,
no swimming
and the fences distinguish between yours
and mine
ownership, the separation
of the county line, a city's agreed-upon
apartheid, how did poverty and crime draw such red
scars upon young faces ?

~

RNH

life support

palms have rested upon tiny
shoulders, their growing
curiosity, who to contend
who to trust
and experience has witnessed
words adhered to, faith
absorbed and the strength
to persevere demonstrated as fearlessly
as it is taught.

~

RNH

3-Week Mother

i'll have to take him back, she said, if
he continues to have these
problems
like a broken toy
needing fixing, the realization
as sudden as the box
opening.

~

RNH

phoenix

without the pillars broken
one would never have been
rebuilt
without an all-consuming
fire, no
transformation.

~

RNH

bury

leaned into the L-shape
ghost of a collarbone and curved
neck, bowed
face, clasped
by your hands.

~

RNH

connection

candles pinched
single street lights numbed
and the message the night blurs,
tangles in ubiquity

string to paper cup hopes
with trembling hands, the bliss
not so far
as the steady stars between us.

~

RNH

rotation

two bodies
spun in slow motion, lost
their edges in the embrace
scoop found contour, shape
found a willing frame
and the assembly
of their beings
coalesced.

~

RNH

misunderstand

she asked me: what "mistake" means ?
i said, to "mess up," "misunderstand," "do
something not right"...
as consolation, i offered
that everyone makes mistakes, occasionally
even big
kids, even adults, even
teachers.

~

RNH

cavern

a warning sign jutted from the entrance

as if the cavernous darkness were not enough

to dissuade most from venturing

in few lean with lamp dim

fewer still attempt

to climb through uncertainty and transform

the void into a balanced place.

~

RNH

tinted

hinges
heavy and slack
hangs the spirit full of broken
bottles, green and gold
the glass of crunched light.

~

RNH

lay figure

sandpaper thoughts to some old wound
that person you met six years ago
the one who, Medusa-like, hair in hands, drug
herself through water
the snakes happy for the electricity
the one who craved craze, the one
who followed moons until they, too,
were slivers,
one day woke up
finding the scars an unnecessary
sawdust pool
around her
and refused to allow anyone
to whittle or hollow since then
what only
she had the liberty to create.

~

RNH

tiles

lettered tiles clattered to the ground
a handful spilling from the pocket
of words i
loved to hold inside.

~

RNH

saber

fan to kindled embers
eyelashes built to armor
the hidden
silhouette of a free woman
slides along the bare wall
at the door
only the torch and your teeth.

~

RNH

myriads

the sky folded in myriads
pink to fuchsia to magenta
kissing the horizon with unfurled secrets
the treetops, silent
adoring, in awe.

~

RNH

plunge

with many rivers to cross
you plunge
arms swift, held breath
feet pumping frog pedals
flexed, then long
and through bubbles
moss and mud, you stay
locked on the shore
having dove through many
rivers before, you know
this one,
too, to be traversable.

~

RNH

happy note

a bouquet of daisies, thrown
tossed as exclamation to the moment
a powder puff of dandelions,
and their wishes, punctuate
the day.

~

RNH

lukewarm

i could take apart the space
between her femur and tibia
stretched like gum chewed,
like the gap between her jaw
and mental capacities,
find not much there.

~

RNH

origami bar

ice shuffles and doors creak
eyes sweep from light to shadow
from distinction to individual
blur
years spent wiping hands
on towels
turn
like square, white napkins
into swans.

~

RNH

the wrong place

sometimes the light switches are in the wrong places
the cabinet i open does not reveal what i think
and i reach for a hanger or some other
familiar trigger
and the knob is on the left side
and the zipper fiddles between fingers
that feel for an electric fence
one that might light up when i
least expect it, invisible
the camera flash
of paralysis, the barricade of fight
or flight and the relief
that washes over, when i realize
i am here.

~

RNH

tough girl

she leans her head on my shoulder
i feel the weight of it all sink
through, the sadness, the fear
the constant
on-guard
toughness
and the daily torment
from a few, the weak
small-minded, the easily
vicious, the ones who are always
the loudest
in the room
she sits to my left and for these seconds
i let her rest,
eyes closed, safe with me.

~

RNH

galaxies

they met in every version of the universe
a radiating cloud drawn
toward collision
a glass jar of lightning
littering the ceiling with saffron
diamonds, accidental
and breath-taking.

~

RNH

tomb

there is a hallway full of echoes
at the end, a room of masks
and the faces melt and reshape
false and contour, form and artifice
collapse
the gold paint licks
a shadow, cheekbones
glint, a bridge denotes
oblique black eyes, cold
and the cackling shifting of plaster
lifts and resists
any attempt to be stilled.

~

RNH

Almost Seventy

around the sun
you've sailed for years
without a swoon, the calling
sight of shore, always
as certain as you
perceived it, your course
a direction steady
as your word.

~

RNH

on instinct

you tripped through minefields
and caught your camouflage sleeves
on reaching branches, thieves
disguised as background, honor
hidden in a vest and a buttoned
jacket shields the machinery
that inevitably keeps you
together
the pounding fist
of a conviction, palpable.

~

RNH

intensity

gaze weaves an orb of white
silken lace, the sound
an accessory to what we
understand.

~

RNH

Special

she leaned forward and asked me if
i knew what she wished for, and i said,
tell me.
she wished to be like everyone else.

and as the sting permeated, i spoke,
i know, but this is what makes you special.
and her tilted face sparkled more
than her tears.

~

RNH

invaluable

why would every gift be a burden,
from you, and every consideration
come with price tag adhered
i question such
love for individual sale
and know who taught you
to quarantine the best in you.

~

RNH

sketches

evening crawled under your skin
the setting sun, a ticking bomb
held breath for seconds, millions
of tiny illustrations, like spiders
dancing in your chest.

~

RNH

famous

waiting to be seen
would be an exercise in chicanery
as if you were not already both
flawed and perfect
as if you were not your
shards and still complete.

~

RNH

evidence

papier-mâché bridges trepidatiously
swung
in silent messages, crisscross
of rope under comprehending fingers
and eyes open to the faith, unseen.

~

RNH

Bully

she threw the notebook upon her desk
vibration shaking
braids balanced
high upon her head
and the more classmates she told
to shut up,
or else I'll...
the more I feared for how
her inner voice must sound.

~

RNH

vigil

you said, not on my watch
and while the silverware glistened
tiny particles pulled the sides of the white
lines together
and helped them heal.

~

RNH

Tempers Quelled

i told the red-haired girl to pack her bags
and be gone by morning.
the selfishness
in her eyes like a sleepiness
that would not rub out.
even then, in the wrong,
she scowled at me.

i told the blonde and beautiful
woman with a cross to bear, to witness
somewhere else and take
her lack of empathy with her martyred
axe. there was simply
no room for that here.

i told the black-haired teenager,
angry and wishing to be noticed,
to listen to herself
before she ever
spoke to me again.

and i told the small brunette
child with eyes as big
as saucers
that it was okay to come home now
that all the other tempers were
destroyed.

~

RNH

a scene in the rain

black cobblestones
puddles silver
splashed ankles, her square
heels clicking, sharply

turning, she glances

over her shoulder, rounds
the corner

gasps--
at the figure
she thought she had outrun

before her--
blinks back the tears
and laughs in the rain. 

~

RNH

sentry

i am not the severity at the door
i am the softness it protects.

~

RNH

Viscosity

some things you just have to wait for

and though it doesn't lessen the ache

remember the tenderness of the feeling

cannot be diluted by the number of days.

~

RNH

in the rose-pink clouds

tell me what you see
up there
and how the symphony
of angels sound, tell me
what the rose-pink clouds are made of
the ones across the treetops
tell me how the sunset's chorus crowns
the evening shadows
tell me how this life will form
the next life
and tell me how they never end
like the light
shifts
to another, vibrant
color
tell me how the broken pieces will be mended
and all things healed
with time.

~

RNH

carousel

circling hooves clank and carry
the sound of their falling
weight to the ground, the force
of the past in a puff
of white smoke rises up
and impossibly
forms an impermeable wall around
this locked feeling
in a tower
shakes at every centripetal pound
and can only listen
to the carousel
constant reminder
of why you are here.

~

RNH

uplifted

you prayed for a calm wind
a soft reprieve from the tumultuous storm
a moment of trust and peace and balance
the breeze hugging your shoulders
the sun kissing you warm
and when your eyes
lifted, wishing
for comfort, the big sky
whispered what you already knew
only through the gusts
and restlessness of adversity
will you fly your colors, true.

~

RNH

through the briars

Destiny set down her case
and the heavy
burdens inside, unpacked
the joy that would not have
shown without the failure
the vulnerability that would not have
surfaced with the tried
and proven errors
the wrong turns
she took
only through the briars
would the better path be
recognized
and tucking each choice back into their container,
picked up what she could handle
and soldiered on.

~

RNH

learning to waltz

imagine you are picking up the long folds of your dress
and your feet sweep
across the wooden floor,
pretend you are reaching for the tall gentleman in waiting
and extend your hand, palm up
to him,
in this way,
brush front,
reach back
and let the one-two-three, one-two carry
you away, with the same grace
that it always has, as the dancers twirl
in elegant pairs, in silence,
and in memory.

~

RNH

feel the word

your hand on my back and i feel the word,
"stay,"
in passing through corridors i hear neither
"shrink," nor "subside,"
and this vocabulary that fills me
is a reassuring one,
because i have been through the pummel of another
kind and have fought
just to be here.

~

RNH

pilot in the grass

identity stood
a tall shadow with arms outstretched
you, an airplane, no spinning
(remember when you used to
fall, dizzy, laughing and swinging
into the grass)
identity focused
a serious gaze on the outline
that both lengthened and shortened
at will and in time
and with the same deep gleeful source
took off--
and was remade.

~

RNH