rested

what if i trusted god
what if i loved myself
what if when i closed my eyes
i did not imagine the worst
what if i rested
what if i was not blown away by the disasters
i had chosen, like so many
tiny seeds, what if
i was, and what if i was planted with deep
roots into the darkness, i grew
out of, and what if i
flourished
and what if i forgave you
and what if i
forgave me
and what if
i rested

~

RN

at a loss

andwhentheemptiness
grewsoloud
icouldn'tbreathe
ihadtounlockmyfingers
fromthispain
andletyou
go.

~

RN

On All Days

On some days,

my thoughts are like butterflies.

On other days,

they fall like anvils from the sky.

On some days,

I can concentrate and be patient.

On other days,

all seems in upheaval and nothing done soon enough.

On some days,

I am one with the universe.
My love flows freely from me, without limit.

On other days,

My emotions are a wrapped, sealed bottle, my heart
secret even from myself.

On some days,

energy pulses from my fingertips.
I am creative, easily. I have many new ideas.

On another day,

I can only remember the embarrassments,
the mistakes. And I equate those moments with my worth.

On the toughest days,

I think I am not meant to be here.
That there is no hope.
No reasoning.
No derailing and no
fixing this.
All signs point
to my leaving.
And I am not sure why you are still here.

On brighter days,

(And there are so many,)
I can see
our delicate balance,
how we curve,
where the other bends, extend--

And how we need each other.

And on all the days,

I dream
and explore the breadth of this
inner tapestry, I give
it voice, even in uncertainty
and soak in the strength of its letters.

~

RN

If You Asked Me

it was never a straight path
and it was not always uphill
and i did not travel it alone
and we did not end up where I thought
we would,
but somewhere more beautiful.

~

RN

across the water

i am
in my boat, traveling
across the water
which shifts from purple, black
to turquoise, silver
expanding
and as the sun glows, guides
us home toward the horizon, i realize
that god
is the boat, and god
is the water, and god
is the sky, and god
is in me.

~

RN