the things that i would say to you if i thought that you would listen to me

i know better
than to tell you the truth.

~

RNH

a hopeful song

Grateful for the flooded heart
That weeps, when punctured,
Happy tears
Grateful for the fragile disposition
Tenderness teaching
The wound how to heal
Grateful for the silent stars
The interminable sea
The rippling dark
The hopeful tent propped
Against the wind and the rain
Bracing for the downpour  
Singing on the waves.

~

RNH

Kneeling

The day would come
When knee, soft bending
Would trickle down
Fault lines, bitter tears, and ache
Remembering missteps
Yesterday's triplets, out
of time, the misjudgments
Burned into the brain
Seared in with hot coals
Their orange glow
Pride
Bursting the case
Revealing
Error
to be the greatest gift, this
Failure
Taught her how
to forgive.

~

RNH

blanket stitch

the grandmother that wiped chins
and combed unruly hair
tucked in little shoulders
beneath the patterns of handmade quilts
showing her talent
for caring for other people
her gifts
shining in everything she touched
forgave you
even when you broke
her china
the pieces, trembling in your hands.

~

RNH

seamstress

patience took her measuring tape
and tired eyes
looked over the mess before her
weighed the variable sizes
the patterns
and the shapes
on pinched cloth, the folds
giving
between her fingertips
red
pursed lips
the scissors
hovering over the line...

~

RNH

cathedral

if her body was a temple
with pointed steeples for her ears
and great tall towers of buildings
reflecting
the sky in her eyes 
would you wander there
and finding the stained glass
windows broken, the tiles
cold scattered
light
glinting
from the ceiling
where it shattered 
would you
see how the cycle
rebuilt
herself
and how her careful hands
reimagined
what strength in the beautiful
looks like
by her own definition and will. 
 
~

RNH

Snake Dance

Empathy peeling off layers
of snake skin
clothing, unnecessary
coverings
shivering from the cold
wind swirling
caught
in the sweet embrace of your
love overflowing
in the dance
of spinning, brittle
orange leaves.

~

RNH

Catastrophe

Nightmares of walking into buses
Daydreams of making them true
I cringe
at the face, that half
Tells me I can do anything
and half tells me
I am no good
Prophet prophesy truth
So the rivers marry
The split twain merge
from two
and make me one
That no conflict can possibly divide, neither
Person nor word, neither real
Nor imagined catastrophe.

~

RNH

repeat after me...

You WILL be misinterpreted.
And it will NOT be your fault.

~

RNH

Distill

I will not confess to this man
Having nothing to forgive
Having the ultimatums bound
Upon my lips, I will lie
Smooth
Untouched as the furious
Still water
Before the hurricane
Before the tsunami
One must still
Gather force.

~

RNH

Authorship

No one can take your words away
but yourself.
You hold the pen
and the silence

when you hesitate.

~

RNH

the fury

ugliness like a tornado
spun and unraveled in you
tore up the good land you grew
yourself, then chopped yourself
from branch to root
screaming at the towering darkness.

~

RNH

Take Root

You are not a deck of cards
Stop threatening
Collapse
At the slightest chance of wind.

Neither are you a brittle pane of glass
Transparent
And forced to look where others point.

You are a mighty ship
You may steer where you choose
You are a venerable oak tree
Take strength from your roots
You are the wild, bending sunshine
The power within you
To change hearts and guide minds
Inspire by simply being
You
Are more than
Your edges and the walls
That you built to protect you
I understand
I, sometimes, crumble, too.

~

RNH

Courageous

When you desire most to simply
Lay your head down and grieve
At this moment, more than any other,
You must take courage
You must stand up
You must believe.

~

RNH

Perspective

with plenty of reasons to doubt
and falter
Look up
a myriad of chances await
for the darkness to only be
a temporary
veil
each window's
Perspective depends on your stance
and around every corner, the path
that will change you
contains you
in every story, your choice
to close your eyes
casting
your gaze to the ground
or to face the sky, open
Look up.

~

RNH

With Music

The leather, soft
On the corners, worn
Where pointed feet touched the floor
And left the springs
Joyfully
You remember
How our bodies rippled with the music
Lifting and singing
Our chorus to the room.

~

RNH

Logos

The Greek word for spirit
is also, wind.
We elude
and haunt ourselves,
the same.

~

RNH

Armor

I know you did not want to play
But my armor and I
Showed up anyway
And we fought and slew
Great dragons with conviction
And we spat and cursed
Wiping sweat with our sleeve
And the hardness of our eyes
Could not match the gray
Stone of our hearts
Til I lifted up my helmet
Asking, why am I destroying
What I love.

~

RNH

Threat

Thief, in top hat and glass
Monocle, turns
His silvery eye upon me and furrows
His furry brows and buttons
The consternation on his dark
Vest, the burgundy
The color of my purse.

~

RNH

Disappearing Act

and in your eulogy,
I did not falter, I did not
grasp at words and feelings
that I did not command
I did not throw the harnessing strands
about your figure
the illusion
that you would always be there
and the vanishing truth.

~

RNH

Pierced

She kept wishes under her pillow
Tucked them like teeth
Between case and sheet
Believed in the power of transformation
And prayed for the morning
To not curse the dream.

~

RNH

tiny boat

and when you are in your tiny boat
gripping the sides
and when the waves hit you hard
and the obstacles collide
with your small force
waver not, even
the howling wind will quiet, even
the raging sea will calm
if only
you do not give up.

~

RNH

Full Circle

Let's join hands and give thanks
Let me hold you and say,
I'm sorry, too,
Let us forgive while we still can
While our breaths, uncounted
Sustain us, go unnoticed,
As the infinite, connected
Moments
Where I could tell you
What you mean to me
Let me show you
How irreplaceable you are...

~

RNH

spirited

pitched on the sea
of tumbling pleas
to stay, wait,
stay, wait
and bounced when the hull hit
crest of the wave split
rose to the next hill
spirit running free... 

~

RNH

worth more

you are delicate
and do not forget it
when the wall of brick
glares
through the window pane
frames your perspective
unchanging, do not let it
determine
one fraction
of your worth.

~

RNH

The Last Word

I want my name to be the last thing that you say.
The last word on your lips.

~

RNH

thrown hard

As my body heaves and grieves for you
As a deep loss, a bleeding wound
From sharpened swords and thrown
Hard knives, I witness
As the seasons, too, will change
and break and heal
and learn to right themselves.

~

RNH

In Every Crowd

And in every crowd, I look for you.
My heart was always yours.

~

RNH

brittle

Oh, uncompromising heart
Let me be...

~

RNH

the two sides of we

no matter which way the boat rolls
you anchor
no matter how hard the surf crashes
i stay
and the volatility that could
lift or destroy
us
makes us incomparable

make us complete

~

RNH

i see a pattern

when i knit my words together
i take both answer and question at once
i understand the gift and the responsibility
the weapon in the silence
the possibility to be wounded
with the truth
so i do not take it lightly
when you smudge with chalky lines
the invisible stitches across my face
a lie
a lie
a lie
a lie...

~

RNH

open sky

she craves the open light of a garden
the fences bending before her eyes
the smell of grass and spring and blossoms
the wild earth beneath her
the rows on each side
of onion, tomato, grape and peanut
roses surrounding the glass and the stone
a place where the sky extends...
as broad as her heart...
as undeniable
as the impulse
to grow.

~

RNH

through grief

we remember and we sustain one another
we forgive and we mend our wounds. 

~

RNH

tooth for tooth

you will not thrash around
because i told you so
you will not stoop to their level
or take an eye for eye
or tooth for tooth
because it suits you
you will not
pick which
reaction to take
like an outfit, when doing the right thing
is so much harder, constant
and permanent
you will let the pain
stain you on the fingers
feel the choices made
as repercussions
as necessary
as inevitable.

~

RNH

equal

if you cannot walk with me
do not
try to hold me back.

~

RNH

ledge

you are the cliff
i keep climbing to the edge.

~

RNH

Paris Love

we met under the spire
in the hazy film of night
with the streetlights burning soft gold
and the streetcars trundling by
the cobblestone beneath our feet
signaled the wobbly
road ahead
and yet we smiled and looped
our fingertips
touching the beginning of a love
that would never end.

~

RNH

the green

the way the green-
leafed branches grow
extending
through the fence
creates within me, the curled
desire to break
free
to flourish
past these walls.

~

RNH

the alarum

arced with the revelation
knowledge as burdensome
as your bundled, cradled
exigencies, i never
believed
in your fiction or your trapeze
the quicksand as crushing, even from up here. 

~

RNH

talisman

you were a talisman
i could not fix
forces shattered in my hands
and with one
long scream
i let you go.

~

RNH

Manifestation

And when they pulled you from the river
The water remembered what you had been through
Held your silhouette and its aching past
Like a clay mold
Hollow, unchanged
And waited for you, one day
To return
This person
Scarred
But stronger than before.

~

RNH

proposal refusal

your brain pulled one way
and your heart, the other
laughing and shaking its halo of bent,
brilliant arrows
your emotions
all zig-zagged from the impact
after the collision, when your intellect
said, no no no no no.

~

RNH

glued

this place is like wood glue
it sticks to your teeth
stuffs cotton in your mouth
and it adheres to everything
your flesh and your freedom
feeling squished
between the impulse
to riot, quit
or both
stuck
to the flytrap wrapped
around you.

~

RNH

(in brackets)

there is love in every perishable
moment, each bracket
holds meaning, each pause
a new chance
to start over and remedy
from misunderstanding, clarity
as perfect as the folding
of our entwined hands.

~

RNH

woven

the truth trickled out
small puffs of curling smoke
spun silky
grew new leaves
and wove into the sky.

~

RNH

burnt

burnt to the crisp
love kept its pursed lips
pressed
holding venerable secrets
like breath
unable to expand
or explain
themselves...

~

RNH

Writing Exercise

Writing requires both stillness and pressure. It takes both to create a diamond.

~

RNH

in your caricature

zealous
for the unsolvable puzzle
Oz behind the velvet curtains
self creating the edited version
the fast-blinking, rapid-thinking
secret to the performance
in the rolled-up sleeves
and keys swallowed.

~

RNH

ashes

If the fragility of life
breaks its heart upon your fingers
crumbling bits, where once
it dreamed of
eternity
fear not,
from dust, we are born.

~

RNH

cutout

the shadow of you
kept me cornered
crouching under its cutout
the dark, the light
flickering from your teeth
i knew
the solution to the scattered
puzzle strewn
about my feet
but could not move
could not feel
it, til i
severed myself
free.

~

RNH

blunt

buttons pop and seams invariably
burst, expectations
holding, clenching pride, grabbing
first
the priority
turning your head when i point
out the worst
then why
does the obvious
escape you ?

~

RNH

means to an end

my body will forget you
my bitterness, too
my grief will crawl into the unmade bed
and not cry for proof
that pain happens for a reason
when change must
predicate truth.

~

RNH

riddled

there will be so many holes in your story
the rain turns to waterfalls
the daylight, to flame.

~

RNH

at the bridge

at 5 years
you have spoken
first words, walked
first steps, held whole fingers
within tiny hands
bubbled with your veracity, cried
like you meant it
beamed with a thousand-watt smile

at 10 years
you have learned
your multiplication tables
the difference between having many
and having real
friends
rescued an animal or two
insisted upon
your favorite color
for everything

and at 20
you think you have it
all figured out
flailing around in your mischief
and your grief
both cloud your vision
both twist the key
in your many locks

at 30
you remember
childhood with new detail, old
connections wither and pinwheel
away
you find yourself
burrowing within a more
complicated definition
of love

and if you should reach 90...

may your family surround you
on all sides, may you forgive and be strengthened
by the grace to forgive yourself
keep growing
keep making mistakes
keep being courageous enough
to embrace the world.

~

RNH

signal

they say animals can always
sense violence in a person
sense safety in a stranger
smell fear
from a mile away
and the tail-tucked
ears down
flat, pressed
expression
makes me wonder
why her teeth bared
is not
signal enough.
 
~

RNH

cage of birds

pen in the rib cage
twists a little
stings and quivers
when you look away
and the words will not
make themselves visible
bashed against the white bars
screaming at your face.

~

RNH

howl

when the pieces did not fit
the anger peeled back such regret
that the edges stretched and splitting,
howled their agony
shook the depths
and filled the sky
with ringing aching,
burning lightning where no storm
had since existed and no one
would ever live
there anymore.

~

RNH

At War

One kind of war
In trenches, uniform
Knees in mud and rifle aimed
Struggles to find the burrowing softness
In death and chaos, stays
Constantly strained
Another kind
Wreaks havoc within
Yells at your frailties, clenches
Its fist and leaves
You holding your
Welts, your mind
Meanwhile
Searches for a weapon
Of its own.

~

RNH

Windows

While you fidget
I look through my windows
Hoping one day
You will let me in.

~

RNH

Immature

She looks like a bunny rabbit
And sounds like a twittering bird.

~

RNH

metamorphosis

photographs of the sky
remind me to stay hopeful
look with eyes lifted
to the bright horizon
every sunset followed
by a light, unbroken
every darkness
revealing
a new day.

~

RNH

Protection

In the rusted, climbing
Scaffolding
Twig nests
Embrace
Between the eaves
Protecting the unseen, proving
Even in the midst of collapse
Life will prevail.

~

RNH

enough

we were not enough
but we were
bound together.

~

RNH

the impossible

when Sea would not meet Shore
and Beginning not conclude with End
when the Balloon fought even its content
the very Air, unkempt
and every Neon Sign refused to reveal
its scintillating Thought
only then
would i ever
stop
loving you.

~

RNH

wolf

went hunting
with blood in her eyes
and light in her teeth
seething
reveling in the empty
and feeling
complete.

~

RNH

essence

through cerulean truths,
hand slipped through netting
fingertips twinkling through beads
clinking rings in the story
circled back
found the essence
the pool deeper than its own reflection
tiny droplets fell
the captured
words upon my lips.

~

RNH

hostage

they did not hold a gun to her head
just an answer
did not force her hands to be tied
but left the question
burning as the memory
of her two-year old knees
scraping asphalt
drug,
invisible,
for miles behind them.

~

RNH

ruby-red

there would be too many walls
between us, if i counted
them all, too many
isolated
incidents
when gathered, appall
the eyes-open sensibility
mutilated, withdraws
truth dripping
rubies from my finger.

~

RNH

backstage

with the feathers in your hair
you smiled in the darkness
us standing between
the heavy-curtained wings

relevé, 

stretch, 

giggle

every second closer

to the whole world
in the flat black of an audience
waiting
to be seen.

~

RNH

lattice

stitched together
toil and treasure
digging for empathy
under the wound
dragging the questions
nicked by every sharp
corner, ambivalent rock festooned
lying on my excavation--
the truth.

~

RNH

streak

each line slid
like a curtain to the floor
unfolding from its starting place
the roll of thought unfurled
and the ink contained the memory
and the color held the frame
and the stain pressed every second
to my heart, your echoing name.

~

RNH

the time

after today
all that will be left is silence
every memory will be folded
like the edges of a blanket, touching
and softly put away
after today
there will only be the promises
i have kept
that i have loved you
and the time
we walked together.

~

RNH

chest

what the collar bone revealed
in its arching, aching shape
was the ability to bend
and keep bending
and not break...

~

RNH

stick

black soot footprints
left on my heart
little imprints
where you walked
where you had been
left indents
and i tried filling up the spaces
with the remnants
but without trust
nothing would stick.

~

RNH

adversary

he couldn't admit that he was wrong
and she couldn't admit that she was afraid
and so they each stood at the edge of their principles
fighting the free fall
one and the same.

~

RNH

the bottom line

the witness covered one eye and swore
that what he saw was something else
and not the truth
and not the way
things actually existed
in his world
the frame bent, the lens
twisted
calling out
A  Z  2  F.

~

RNH

thin spoon

eating that rainbow you spoke of
that happiness, you choked on
gagged on the promises
blank
faced
i emptied
every bowl and spoon
to my thin lips
holding nothing feeling
every pang.

~

RNH

stranger

looking in the wrong direction
i did not see you
careening around the corner
ear to the curb
before i could blink
i surrendered
before i could cross
i bled out.

~

RNH

lethal

i knew that you were venomous
and i swam toward you anyway
hoping my antidote
previous, saturated toxicity
would survive another
lethal
dose of you
thinking one kind of survival
would sanctify the next
i learned
by dying
that you were
no different.

~

RNH

dig

rolled the boulder
grief like clay, it stuck
to every surface and clung
its muddy bitterness
coating each precipice
as if the situation
was not jagged enough
doubt ripped through, i
dug my toes in, thrust my shoulder forward
and did not give up
when it most overwhelmed.

~

RNH

tidal

dotted line to the shore
where the beach washed over
each feeling
a collapsing vertigo
crept up, cascaded, irreverent
to what you said
and what you hoped for.

~

RNH

sliver

beaded ceiling curls
wet with honesty, i think
but warped with opinion
slivers
peel back the pain
it delivered
such distortion
i could not see the edge
when i fell.

~

RNH

steady

stripped down of your feathers
and cones
and hard shell
cut free from your brittle
honeycomb
what would be left
show me your tender, fragile
pieces and i promise
i will keep steady
my hands.

~

RNH

fume

smoke wreathed, coiled
and spun black cotton tufts
around both ears, the bloom
of anger
billowing quickly fueled
by your
ineptitude and lack of grace.

~

RNH

pinky

she hung herself from the ceiling
by one pinky
strapped in white
dental floss
twine
and cursed
at the lack of circulation
and perspective when her
toes still touched
the floor.

~

RNH

Authenticity

Capricorn in a suit
well-adjusted
to the outcome of playing
by her own
rules
buttoned-down by
the three
do not show fear
do not show envy
do not show
them anything but what you are.

~

RNH

signature

the pen spun
beneath a confident hand
a slow, strong grip
a purposeful lag
time, waiting
for the pause that would half
the time between
us, upon completion
already there
and not
remembering how we left.

~

RNH

curtains

in the coil of each letter
posed a woman
figuring
that the best way
to hold your attention
rested
in looking
like she was asleep
the whole time
still
knowing
that her eyes watched
from underneath.

~

RNH

muse

brush to the watercolors
pools of pigmented circles
dabbing the idea
into bright red
into blue

wondering where next
to place the many strands
of concept
and pursuit
wondering in which
i might find
you.

~

RNH

unaffect

the leaf ran down your forearm
made of a billion tiny leaves
this fern's sinewy palm
black as your cat eyes at night
i blink, in the uncomfortable
fluorescence
and act as if i
am unaffected.

~

RNH

stain

the pattern bled
i miss you, too, he
said in pauses, in small
little comments and jokes, she
picked up the stain
and purpled, too.

~

RNH

within a heart

heart shaped mane
framed just as tender face
held just as fragile look
imbued with colored, broken light
filtering down
like streams of confetti
splintering diamond
dizzying love
waiting to fill your open, cupping
hands
saving what would be lost.

~

RNH  

nape

if identity was simply
a matter of hairstyle
you could sweep it
back and become
someone else
and when i touched
my fingers to the nape
of your neck
you could safely say
you were mine.

~

RNH

queen of cards

she was not a queen
by any dimensions of her own
they had already disrobed
and dishonored her
name with her body
she chose only
to wear
her fierce glare
until they retreated
and understood.

~

RNH

constellations talk

stars whisper in the sky like tin
foil pricking the silent
space, the cover
crinkling the kind
of emotions i could not
contain, strewn with glee.

~

RNH

the spot

said i would not walk the tightrope for you, again
slithered, instead
on my lengths of ropes of lies
trigger finger winking
one eye under
the microscope
the spotlight
healing
and indecipherable.

~

RNH

Holding

ringmaster stuck to truisms
crafted blue schisms
into her soft, white
skin and the leather
bent and twisted
spun and lifted
the cries into black
incumbent night.

~

RNH

thief

tip-toed around this dream
like a thief in the darkness
stealing a look
at what should not be seen
masked face and gloved
hands
hiding
fear or desire
both
concealed within my palms.

~

RNH

frames

when the frames in my house
are all soft-tilted
will you fix them
when my perspective, too,
needs some shifting
will you wait
and let me make
these minor adjustments
if you are patient
I am trusting
we all just need a little dusting
to show our best sides to the light.

~

RNH

SCREAM

I'm afraid I'm forgetting the infinite good memories
The bad ones scream
and blind
me so
with doubt.

~

RNH

scorpion

striking tail of bitterness
stung in sensitive, hard to reach
places, where vulnerability attempted
to hide, but witnessed
its own clarity
revealed
substance as a target
whether you run from the fire
or take the aim
either way
you will get hurt.

~

RNH

appearance

you could not escape your skin
even if you wanted to, could not
peel back its layers
so attached
are you
to the semblance
of appearance
your sticky-side to opinion
and I gnash my teeth at your claims
of sovereignty.

~

RNH

erase

wrapped up in a cloak, I carry
this past, like a envelope
sealed, I cannot open
nor lift
its heavy edges, linked
to such slender
bends of periphery
a twig of an ankle
twisted until breaking
I feel
I must
erase the entire contents.

~

RNH

Recoil

Note to self:

Please stop running away from things, just because they are hard.

Okay ??

~

RNH

construct

i am not within
all of these things
i am not
without them.

~

RNH

When in Doubt, Give...

I think, sometimes, that we are brought into this world to rescue other people. Not that they are helpless, but that everyone, on some level, needs empathy to be hopeful and feel inspired. We are that love that sustains them, the substance that grounds them, and the light that guides them through the darkness, as they are for us. I can think of specific moments when someone's kindness or small act of reaching out truly rescued me. I am forever grateful to those whose strength has been my buoy. As we search for the courage to illuminate the path within our own struggles, we can also be a beacon of support to those around us. I do not think being vulnerable is a weakness. I think sometimes the only answer is to give. We were meant to give, so we could save each other.

~

RNH

middle ground

when i saw our differences
as irreconcilable
i, too,
found no peace.

but when i saw them as merely
expressions of our pride
i knew
we could create
middle ground.

~

RNH

distortion

if you were taught to be the mirror
once you find yourself
you will look
for a reflection, too,
but if you search for yourself
in the wrong
kinds of people
you will find the image, also
distorting you.

~

RNH

Without Bounds

You were not made
To hold your love inside
You were meant
To give it away
So when you feel yourself start
To splinter
Know, love is boundless
You will not break.

~

RNH

Traveler

When I go to a new place
I want to taste the food they eat
I want to see the land where they live
I want to learn the language they speak

When I visit a familiar place
I want to chat with old and new friends
I want to order my favorite dish
My favorite drink
Have it all at my fingertips

When I return again to my home
I want to cherish the time that I have
With the people I love
I want to travel, but always know
My heart stays wherever you are.

~

RNH

perimeter

i have dreams of running
away, so you cannot leave
me, i
have nightmares
about opening
the door and finding
no one there
not even myself
isolated in an empty room
white, as the medicinal tape wrapped
over my wounds, red
as the cherry tongue that lies
to me, recklessly, sweetly
narcosis, repeating
the restless circuitry
of my dreams, keep
me click-clacking the locks and tracing
the lines around my voraciously
shrinking
perimeter.

~

RNH

Pride

Pride
took out her boat
opened the sail
endeavored to leave the sadness
on shore
set out to row
braced for the wind and the rain and the storm
but met only the ocean
endless and boundless
vast as the ache that broke deep
in her heart and the waves spoke
of freedom, the fragility
to rise and fall, fearlessly
she turned back her boat
and steered
home.

~

RNH

Constant

Silence stole drawn breath
Snared fleeing disbelief
Broke knotted certain stance
Rose with a bloom
Relief in expression, in a small
Sigh
Love,
I am constant, I am here.

~

RNH

Dismember

Squandered what you made
The feelings flew off, frantic
Like sawed puzzle pieces, cardboard
Splinters threatening
Dissection
Dementia
Dismembered
The integrity that you once held, sure
As the numbness in your
Fingers.

~

RNH

the blades

patient through the breaking light
the seedling waited, counting not
the passing days or endless nights
the sky transformed by will and thought
and each new cloud morphed into promise
possibility, as close as content  
just as the blade pushed through the darkness
your fate is what you make of it.

~

RNH

the process

the journey cut
in half
left extra
time to contemplate and puzzle
and rethink thought
rolling like dough, softly
between
my fingers, sometimes
needing the pound
of a fist
to process.

~

RNH

at the entrance

there are so
many pairs of eyes
under so many
lights
they glitter
refracting their bending
lines, i
look at you
from between two
shoulders and the space
feels the same
as when i am
standing right next to you
entranced.

~

RNH

river, long

the journey was a crooked line, a river
running through
and down a hill of fragrant flowers
waves of red and fuchsia bloomed
and heavy with their scent of heaven
richly tinted, changed the sky
so that the distance did not matter
as long as together, we
arrived.

~

RNH

forever

took one foot out of the slipper
took one hand out of the glove
removed
one finger from a ring
and promised
to never disappear again
forever
is not a symbol
it is the way you live
and love.

~

RNH

Coloseum

yanked the club from its mounted space
waved it maniacally, shaking
from hairy-knuckled palm to booted
feet stomping, chasing
the foaming, savage beast
sometimes i wish
i could trade this world
for one with an arena.

~

RNH

hysteria

brushed with rainbow-colored death
by sugar, dressed
in its unicorn headpiece
the laughter
thick and illuminating smog
behind the glass curtain
Oz, with his green
twitching eyes.

~

RNH

waves

when the waves tumbled over
she wiggled her toes
in the scratch of the sand
and the warmth of the flow
and the pull of the current
rocked slowly her ache
like the shore for the tide
and its unconditional embrace.

~

RNH

wilt

when disease took your flesh
rolled it around
like so much rotten, pink dough
the carcass fainted gracefully
over palm-up, gloved, strong
hands
and as she wilted over their questions
temptation heard its chiming end-
bell sound.

~

RNH

traitor

the parrot sat on your shoulder
and squawked and yelled
the thoughts you kept
under key
and lock
and tongue
revealing what you had failed
to mention
I wondered what part of you
was real.

~

RNH

fool

i didn't write you
but if i did
i'd take your name and number
and call you
for the absolute idiot that you are
and describe you
as the trained monkey that you traipse about
like you owe nothing, contain nothing
and are responsible for nothing
that comes out of your mouth.

~

RNH

mannequin

self, presented itself
as a dress she could not get over her head
a costume she could not try on
still trying
to unzip the zipper
untangle the mass of gold thread
and she's still
pulling
this gender, idea
swirling in the wash
baffled at the mixture
and the swiftly shifting
mannequin underneath.

~

RNH

fireworks

when the fireworks lit up the night
we were blinded, briefly, by their sheer
explosive beauty
and clung
tightly to our understanding
life before darkness
burst into three seconds of flame.

~

RNH

the helm

the waters rose
the ship hard pitched
the wind roared violently
the vessel tossed, tipped
crew tumbled
shouts let out
the wheel spinning, not one
could find the courage or sure footing
or strength to take
the helm
she laughed
at the chaos
shook her hair in the rain
rolled her sleeves up
stomped the planks
and stood on the bow in the darkness
facing the storm and soon-to-be vanquished
fear.

~

RNH

ephemeral

floating overhead, soapy pieces
of blue heaven, shiny with their optimistic
round
acceptance of things
like the forty seconds or so
they have to exist and create delight
content
to be fragile, if
it means that they can fly.

~

RNH

at the brink

they said, open the door again
I said, why
when there's a three hundred foot drop

they said, feel
the cool breeze and the warm
sun on your skin
I said, why
are you not listening to me

they said, take that risk, feel that rush, open up
I said, why
do you not see the bruises and the cuts

or are your eyes just as closed
as your own slamming doors

don't tell me to fall
when you mutilate my wings.

~

RNH

trinity

there were three
blank pages
one tore itself off at the seam
angry, reveling in the ripping
edges serrated, shredding
each piece

there were two
blank pages
one balled itself up, incomplete
wrinkling question and answer and process
pillowing darkness
crumbling dream

there remained one
page left
brave to be open, courage to let
life scribble ink to each tumbling breath
brimming with passion and vulnerable voice.

~

RNH

colorfast

she bled like a kaleidoscope, losing
its colors, running down her long
slender fingers
spent desire
twisted like a coil of iron
an earring, a snake
with no basket
bent to choke.

~

RNH

cliff

dangling on the fringe
tempting the whims
one finger gripping
the ledge
to love or not love
watch me walk right up to the edge
while you worry and fret
and wring your hands.

~

RNH

Why ?

Why is it so hard
to say what we need
to mean what we say
to ask for help ?

Why is it such a crippling
helpless
feeling
when I cannot find the words...

~

RNH

echoes

I am not this ache that fills
my bones and my empty
gnawing stomach, I am not the want
that wants to be held and says nothing
I am not
lowered, tearful eyes
on long commutes home, I am not one
of the echoes, left alone
not the sound of your ghost
nor the footsteps on stairs
I am not
the absence carving its chair
I linger in the hallway of abandon
repeating
and severing.

~

RNH

cylinder

waiting for the cylinder to break
the glass beaker holding
the particles of hate
self-loathing in a test tube
bubbling on explosive
tendencies
destroying what I cannot
contain.

~

RNH

open gate

possibility would not shrink from doubt
or hide from challenge
or withdraw from the rising tide
courage would take the impossible
and brandish, like a bright sword,
its edges
guarding the heart's open gate.

~

RNH

six-word love story

I am not my
hunger, fulfilled.

~

RNH

the reading

bizarre, the arrangement
of tables and lighting
the barriers of intimacy
coax to sleep
the fury and feeling
enticing said writing
pilfered to promises
of pizza
and grades.

~

RNH

husks of shells

most people

are not real people

but just

illusions of themselves

husks of shells

floating through

circumstance

flat to the touch

idle and dry...

~

RNH

cat-er

prancing, the caterpillar
swung its wide feet
in the palpable sunshine
on the fuzzy golden leaf
and the smell of fresh cut grass
wafted as the breeze
picked up the little blossom
by its newly stretching wings.

~

RNH

in the message

took to the message, like comfort
like comfortable
food fills your belly
soft socks on your feet
and wrapped myself in the idea
of loving you forever
and being so loved
in return.

~

RNH

fisher

i fished for the penny
in navy blue waters that turned
murky as i stirred
sand from their depths
and strained, reaching further
the palm stretching, colder
meniscus, wet, crawling its way
up my arm
'til i shivered
and thought, better to wait and worry
not whether the luck will arrive
but if i can see it, when it does.

~

RNH

stolen vision

where you see a canopy
i see a broken net
where you see foundations
i see mud
stuck and drowned
where you see a challenge forming
i see the barriers
innumerable
you see connection
i see only tired
empty eyes
thankfully, this sight is restricted
to the days where i cannot
even see what's in front of me.

~

RNH

Fateful

i do not believe in fairytales
she said, i
believe in the choices that you make
i do not fashion myself
in a binary system
i am neither
the witch nor the princess nor
your fate
i do not sleep blindly
wait, expecting
love's salvation
i believe we were meant
to save ourselves.

~

RNH

scythe

i took a breath and walked
inside the tornado
where the sky moved circular
slicing and spinning, where
the gathering could not be distinguished
from the ruining and the drilling dove
downward while the spiraled cloud grew
and the gray hovered over me
the giant
with his scythe, psyche
howling as the wind whipped
the limbs from off the trees...

~

RNH

the knock

faintly, the knock heard
tap, tap
it fell
followed, echoed
where the dusk
rested, pale
on the gray blue sill
the four frames of light
made the stone shadows shift
and she, a pillar
in the darkness, heard
the knock, and answered it.

~

RNH

broken shelf

reaching for the broken shelf
with chipped, white teacups
and faded, blue towels
longing for the permanency of childhood
when everything was thought to last
forever
so I take my wooden stepstool and scooch
a little closer
comforted by the hope in fragile things.

~

RNH

castle

wobbled under the pressing wave
the swirl of questions, so catching
so proven
the itsy, zigzagging fissure
of worry, fast
splits
like a pulled thread spreading
infinitely, from one tiny
kink in my infallible fortress
as you pointed out
I do not have to be
so hard.

~

RNH

Adorned

I have ornaments of our life together
Adorning my happy limbs
A grocery list sparkles
In my left pocket, a borrowed pen
Waits to be returned
Glows, expectantly
And I, a Christmas tree, year-long
Overjoyed, beam
And the drawings on my refrigerator
Are ever-multiplying, playful
Luminous and healing.

~

RNH

gather

she gathered up the pain in the world
like buckets of flowers, spilling
their seeds
to the wind, their petals
already relinquished
to the frail terminality of time, and yet
each blossom promised their life
their short visit here
to flourish, endure and to give
freely, the will
placed, fortressed
by good intentions
imagine--
what could happen...

~

RNH

lotus

flowering, trickling
down her spine
the petals, pale, opened
delivering light
to the coldest, dark reaches
the coiling shrine
her body, the holy
creation, divine.

~

RNH

Writing Instructor

when i write
there is usually a keyboard
beneath my fingers
a pen
inking paper
or a smartphone typing
words
spill out from me
liquid and tangible
translucent and tangled
able to twist and turn
and mean many
different things
and yet this woman
struts about the room
as if she is the first to walk it
each heel, a command from her mouth.
i step. you listen. i speak.
you be quiet.
and talks about
poetry, saying it is
not about the world
in isolation
it lives
on thoughts and feelings
alone
and i think she must
not enjoy
her ideas or inquisitive eyes
aimed at the self, when her
descriptions are all
unkind, though adept.
when i write
i am as much a part of the world
as the world is a part of me
after all, even she
made it here
in these lines.

~

RNH

The Change

I changed the flickering
Light bulb inside
When the fixture grew dim
And the socket, too weary
When failure and pride
Clouded out what could shine
I let go and gave
Both, shelter
And time.

~

RNH

Un-box-able

There is an urgency to understand
The world
In graspable, tangible wholes
So that the pieces satisfy the insatiable
Need to connect to the soul
In every pulsing, unboxable moment
There are patterns traversing the old
Rivers, a drop
In the veritable ocean
You are one and the same, just
Let go.

~

RNH

Nightmare

The night rose slowly, lifting wings
Stood towering, glaring down
At its feet
Shook a little frightened soldier
You will not defeat me
The girl said, almost as if asking
A question
And the dragon spoke nothing
No words were needed
No roaring or fire-breathing antics
The demon
Worked its magic
By simply being believed in
All doubts and fears a mere creation
Of the mind
And as soon as the brave knight
Realized her potential
The dark lifted and the sky
Broke with morning light.

~

RNH

to the sailor

unrolled the scroll
the ancient, fraying map
curled with old
knowing edges
and ached, most of all, to believe
that where love pointed
there was truth.

~

RNH

prisoner

untied her hands and lifted
chains and freed her
from her former
hard prison
and looked into eyes, wild
and blinking
full and afraid
to trust.

~

RNH

starve

I would stay a million miles away from you
with only a few feet
between us, I would starve
for lack of a better feeling, the love never
having enough proof
to not abandon
me
at someone else's door
nameless
cold
and crying.

~

RNH

unbending

back to unbending concrete
legs, soft-crossed
feet, showing their vulnerable
surfaces, touching
only the outside of the world
too much to hold inside.

~

RNH

write hope

she endeavored to write hope
into her darkness, create light
amidst her sadness, deliver love
from its ever-shrinking hiding
place and put
the fear back in its sheathe
the hand forever reaching
for knife
or pen.

~

RNH

necklace

playing with pieces
of black jewelry, slender
fingers twirled around crystals and beads
harnessing bitterness, anger and greed
sharp as the carved, ebony edges.

~

RNH

to the wind

hiding behind bangs and bent
eyelashes, curled with duplicity
she remembers when you left
her
how the cold
hit twice
and stung for weeks
and she buttons up her coat
a little higher
to the wind
and fear
the distance in her disappearing voice
erasing everything.

~

RNH