to think love

i remember when i used
to think love
was possession
and i wonder
if i've changed
or if i still believe
that's true
do i still associate
control with affection,
power with adoration,
do i still see my
edges as
other-defined ?

~

RN

not backward

why would you want to go backward ?
when you know you are here right now.
why would you want to go back there ?
when you know it would not
be any different, or better,
than you left it.
why would you want to flee ?

when you have the power
to choose, in your hands.

~

RN

meditation

i am safe with myself.
i am safe with my pain.
i am safe with my anger.
i am safe with my fear.
i am safe with my joy.
i am safe with my happiness.
i am safe with my peace.
i am safe with all
of my feelings.
i am safe with all
of my thoughts.
i am safe with my
impermanence.
i am safe with my
eternity.

~

RN

the absence

when things are defined as the absence
of another
what is darkness
without light, what is sorrow
without your sweet smile,
tilting upward as a new day begins
and the sunlight sweeps
across your memory.

~

RN

earth cycle

i am the air
i am the clouds
i am the rain
i am the storm
i am the ocean
i am the waves
i am the shore
i am the land
i am the trees
i am the branches
i am the leaves
i am the flowers
i am the wind
i am the air.

~

RN

red light

I said, rest
And my mind said, no.
I said, rest
And my body said, go.
I said, wait
And my ego said, what ??
Wait for what ?!
I said, this.
And I sat
In the present
And breathed.

~

RN

plea

if YOU
do not stand up for them,
then, who will ?
if YOU do not push back when their potential
is bottled and sealed,
who will ?
who can
teach them how to stand up
for themselves,
when they u n f o l d
into the future,
everyday...
if no one will listen to them,
then, ultimately, what will it take ?

~

RN

The Oncoming

There is a picture on the outside

of my windshield

frozen

black and white

And the images move like shadows,

slowly distorting,

with the crossing light

And I touch the memory with warmth

and with fingertips, 

disbelieving,

As the frost 

spirals out, reveals the oncoming—

And she wakes me before I crash. 

~

RN

red cap

oh, the man
with the red pen
chewing on his cap
how you must feel powerful
crossing out
and editing
those words.

~

RN

rested

what if i trusted god
what if i loved myself
what if when i closed my eyes
i did not imagine the worst
what if i rested
what if i was not blown away by the disasters
i had chosen, like so many
tiny seeds, what if
i was, and what if i was planted with deep
roots into the darkness, i grew
out of, and what if i
flourished
and what if i forgave you
and what if i
forgave me
and what if
i rested

~

RN

at a loss

andwhentheemptiness
grewsoloud
icouldn'tbreathe
ihadtounlockmyfingers
fromthispain
andletyou
go.

~

RN

On All Days

On some days,

my thoughts are like butterflies.

On other days,

they fall like anvils from the sky.

On some days,

I can concentrate and be patient.

On other days,

all seems in upheaval and nothing done soon enough.

On some days,

I am one with the universe.
My love flows freely from me, without limit.

On other days,

My emotions are a wrapped, sealed bottle, my heart
secret even from myself.

On some days,

energy pulses from my fingertips.
I am creative, easily. I have many new ideas.

On another day,

I can only remember the embarrassments,
the mistakes. And I equate those moments with my worth.

On the toughest days,

I think I am not meant to be here.
That there is no hope.
No reasoning.
No derailing and no
fixing this.
All signs point
to my leaving.
And I am not sure why you are still here.

On brighter days,

(And there are so many,)
I can see
our delicate balance,
how we curve,
where the other bends, extend--

And how we need each other.

And on all the days,

I dream
and explore the breadth of this
inner tapestry, I give
it voice, even in uncertainty
and soak in the strength of its letters.

~

RN

If You Asked Me

it was never a straight path
and it was not always uphill
and i did not travel it alone
and we did not end up where I thought
we would,
but somewhere more beautiful.

~

RN

across the water

i am
in my boat, traveling
across the water
which shifts from purple, black
to turquoise, silver
expanding
and as the sun glows, guides
us home toward the horizon, i realize
that god
is the boat, and god
is the water, and god
is the sky, and god
is in me.

~

RN

Down to the Surf

I thought I knew who I was
Now I'm collecting the pieces
Walking down the beach
with my round red sifter
Hoping to find some strands of gold
And if the filaments slip
through the seams
So fine is the width
of understanding
Free from the plastic
Mesh of effort
in my hands
It will not stop me
from kneeling down to the surf
And trying again.

~

RN

Worthy

There will come a day
When all the parties
will get old for you,
When no amount of alcohol
will cleanse you,
And no other substance used
will soothe you,
Or so you think.
And you will look at
the real things
in your life:
The laundry, your
tiredness, your small joys,
your unhesitating tears,
And you will see
how worthy
your journey was.

~

RN

canyons

we could not mend the brokenness between us,
so we let the dust settle firmly and when
the riverbeds spread
and the ground, splitting, sighed, eyes
widened
in silent shock
at the clarity--our

mouths moved and nothing
formed, except
a new shape
this faded map of canyons,
where we had once lived.

~

RN

pure

the pool, the color
of a midnight sky
the aching stars mirrored
into its pure black, sliced
silver ripples from the fountain
risen deep from the well
under the trees, where i
touched it, a sphere
within a sphere,
and the truth
like a womb within the body.

~

RN

Emancipation

I am not behind the door

You closed on me. 

I am standing outside the house

And I choose

Where my heart lives. 

~

RNH

Memo

Create your own happiness.
Look inside of yourself and see
all of your goodness,
all of your twinkling stars,
the places you are worthy, 
and help them to grow.
Tend to and nurture your best self.
Even on your worst days,
you are still, at the core,
your best self.
Everyone falters.
Everyone forgets the long road
and sees the temporary impulse
as a band-aid.

When you know that's not true
When you know that the hard work
makes you better.
When you learn your most needed lessons
at the least expected times.
When your soul shies,
but life recognizes you
from across the room.
Turn down the doubt inside you.
Shout down the noise that cries out
that you are not
good enough, that you are not
the right shape, the right size.
Not the acceptable kind
to whoever you need acceptance from.
Accept yourself.
Be kind to everyone, including yourself.
Dig into your garden and honor
that capsuled life. The strength that
you have always had. The potential that
no one can ever thieve.
And fully awake, embrace
The fragments of your light
You can
carry this note with you,
should you forget...

~

RNH