harsh awakening

the kind of shooting
where no one cries
out or screams
just BOOM
and slam and it's over.

~

RN 

skim

there is a bird
skimming across the water
like a boat with both
paddles out
pulled evenly
like a kite carving
through the air streams
but the surface
is my mind
and the bird
is a feeling of calm.

~

RN

begin

what would you do today
if it were your last
day
what would you
let go of
who would you forgive
what would you stop
carrying around
how would you change things
for the better
who do you need to say
thank you to
and where would you
begin--right now ?

~

RN

lessons

Need
is the greatest teacher
said the lock
it forces you
to search
for the key.

Desire
is the greatest teacher
said the craving
it demands
that you decide
on a solution.

Grief
is the greatest teacher
said the empty arms
it lies
and says that nothing
will change.

Hope
is the greatest teacher
says the sunshine
it speaks the truth
that rests
in every seed.

~

RN

reflections

do not let other
people's decisions
determine the perception
of your own
self-worth.
their choices are not
a reflection of who
you are,
but a reflection
of themselves.

~

RN

out on the water

out on the water
no land or refuge in sight
we rock with every wave
a breath
up - inhalation
down - exhaling, a slide
and in our boat we battle
currents not meant for us
the heavy pull
of dark and swirling anger
cold distrust and sparkling,
bruised hurt,
the ocean
capable of holding so
many emotions
they throttle
the boat til it swings
on the verge of flipping
over,
crew and cargo drowning,
but wait--
the rowers sing--

THIS IS HOW WE LEARN

with every new storm
a new skill
with every upheaval
a choice
a chance to learn how to repair
to respond
not by avoiding the passage
but by traveling with our whole
hearts
open--the sails
unfurling in the sun
up - inhalation
down - breathing out
and raising
our voices, as one.

~

RN

release

she hides her sadness--

the earth holds hers in petals,

falling to the ground.

~

RN

to think love

i remember when i used
to think love
was possession
and i wonder
if i've changed
or if i still believe
that's true
do i still associate
control with affection,
power with adoration,
do i still see my
edges as
other-defined ?

~

RN

not backward

why would you want to go backward ?
when you know you are here right now.
why would you want to go back there ?
when you know it would not
be any different, or better,
than you left it.
why would you want to flee ?

when you have the power
to choose, in your hands.

~

RN

meditation

i am safe with myself.
i am safe with my pain.
i am safe with my anger.
i am safe with my fear.
i am safe with my joy.
i am safe with my happiness.
i am safe with my peace.
i am safe with all
of my feelings.
i am safe with all
of my thoughts.
i am safe with my
impermanence.
i am safe with my
eternity.

~

RN

the absence

when things are defined as the absence
of another
what is darkness
without light, what is sorrow
without your sweet smile,
tilting upward as a new day begins
and the sunlight sweeps
across your memory.

~

RN

earth cycle

i am the air
i am the clouds
i am the rain
i am the storm
i am the ocean
i am the waves
i am the shore
i am the land
i am the trees
i am the branches
i am the leaves
i am the flowers
i am the wind
i am the air.

~

RN

red light

I said, rest
And my mind said, no.
I said, rest
And my body said, go.
I said, wait
And my ego said, what ??
Wait for what ?!
I said, this.
And I sat
In the present
And breathed.

~

RN

plea

if YOU
do not stand up for them,
then, who will ?
if YOU do not push back when their potential
is bottled and sealed,
who will ?
who can
teach them how to stand up
for themselves,
when they u n f o l d
into the future,
everyday...
if no one will listen to them,
then, ultimately, what will it take ?

~

RN

The Oncoming

There is a picture on the outside

of my windshield

frozen

black and white

And the images move like shadows,

slowly distorting,

with the crossing light

And I touch the memory with warmth

and with fingertips, 

disbelieving,

As the frost 

spirals out, reveals the oncoming—

And she wakes me before I crash. 

~

RN

red cap

oh, the man
with the red pen
chewing on his cap
how you must feel powerful
crossing out
and editing
those words.

~

RN

rested

what if i trusted god
what if i loved myself
what if when i closed my eyes
i did not imagine the worst
what if i rested
what if i was not blown away by the disasters
i had chosen, like so many
tiny seeds, what if
i was, and what if i was planted with deep
roots into the darkness, i grew
out of, and what if i
flourished
and what if i forgave you
and what if i
forgave me
and what if
i rested

~

RN

at a loss

andwhentheemptiness
grewsoloud
icouldn'tbreathe
ihadtounlockmyfingers
fromthispain
andletyou
go.

~

RN

On All Days

On some days,

my thoughts are like butterflies.

On other days,

they fall like anvils from the sky.

On some days,

I can concentrate and be patient.

On other days,

all seems in upheaval and nothing done soon enough.

On some days,

I am one with the universe.
My love flows freely from me, without limit.

On other days,

My emotions are a wrapped, sealed bottle, my heart
secret even from myself.

On some days,

energy pulses from my fingertips.
I am creative, easily. I have many new ideas.

On another day,

I can only remember the embarrassments,
the mistakes. And I equate those moments with my worth.

On the toughest days,

I think I am not meant to be here.
That there is no hope.
No reasoning.
No derailing and no
fixing this.
All signs point
to my leaving.
And I am not sure why you are still here.

On brighter days,

(And there are so many,)
I can see
our delicate balance,
how we curve,
where the other bends, extend--

And how we need each other.

And on all the days,

I dream
and explore the breadth of this
inner tapestry, I give
it voice, even in uncertainty
and soak in the strength of its letters.

~

RN

If You Asked Me

it was never a straight path
and it was not always uphill
and i did not travel it alone
and we did not end up where I thought
we would,
but somewhere more beautiful.

~

RN