Sustain

desire spiraled out

in blue

sequined tendrils

so that wherever you reached 

you shone. 

~

RNH

inky

i find myself asking,
who are you ?
to the mirror, to the shadow.
who are you ?
to the lamppost, to the street.
and the particles that wait
for an answer, drift
like cursive-drawn eyelashes
discovered by a thumb
on inky cheeks.

~

RNH

Testable

Life does not consist of tests.
At least, not the paper kind.
Not the bubble-in,
circle one,
multiple choice kind.
Not the measurable, scorable,
undefeatable kind.
(At least, they feel that way.)

Life brims full of emotions--

It's in the bubbles of shared laughter.

It's in the circles of people you can trust.

It's in the choices that you always have, to withdraw or persevere.

There are no rulers in this arrangement.
No expectational brackets, no condemning
metrics here.

And although your youth
may be quizzed to its wits' end,
Do not let these decided scales define you.
You are so much more than a printed digit to me.  

~

RNH

before, they said

before you could fly, they said
you should run, and accumulate
such momentum, that all that remained
was to jump

and before you could run, they said
you should walk, and observe
how each first step determined
the next one's precarious fall

and before you could walk, they said
you should crawl, and accept
these limitations
as the order of boxes to check off

but I applauded, shouting praises, when you
sprouted wings and flew
from the trenches to the sky-tracing mountains,
your potential, I already
knew.

~

RNH

acid

and each lie thrown, corrodes

the last one told, until
there is nothing left
of my
face.
 

~

RNH

waistline race

when the measuring tape pulled tighter
insisting *this*
was just enough,
i ran with my scissors through
the finish line and documented 

that I was already done.

~

RNH

The Three Commanders

There was a knocking on the front door
and on the other side stood, armed,
the three commanders of your darkness--
Failure.
Rejection.
Anger.

Alarmed, you did not answer. And back-stepping, watched
in horror,

as
the knob
slowly
turned.
These three could not exist without your belief
in them, and you
opening, knowing this,

realized they were gone.

~

RNH

happy pianist

above black and white keys,
the silly child assumes command,
provokes the chaos for its peaceful coordinates,
the posable harmonies, the labyrinthine
handstands and barreling through
another neck-cringing performance,
pounds out the last possibilities, happy
in the collapse.

~

RNH

Odina

crushed inside a snow globe
longing pressured, mesh embrace
corrugated layers of impressions
wrong, she balanced, lost
her place
in the downpour--
golden moons upon her abdomen,
tiger eyes wide upon her wings.

~

RNH

this is not a one-sided wall, this is give and take

i do not need for you to fix me
i just need for you to listen
and understand why

it was so painful

in the first place.

~

RNH

The Chords

on the days that i feel more
vividly than the rest,
the ache in someone's story,
the sadness carried in their chest,
resounds in mine,
echoes,
when they press, i play
it, too,
the chords that kept themselves
from dying, come alive
in a familiar tune

in shaking hands and haunting
dreams and ringed eyes from nights
of no sleep, i take a deep
breath and i choose
my words as carefully
as i can

on those days,
my hollow sings, it soothes
with empathy to their wounds and maybe
alone
we cannot endure this, but together,
we can pull through.

~

RNH

Pledge Allegiance

I believe in honesty. 

I believe in equality.

I believe in inclusion, not exclusion. 

I believe in respecting each other. 

I believe our differences make us stronger. 

I believe in the power of compassion.

I believe in peace. 

I believe no unjust force will last, as long as we are brave enough to refute it. 

~

RNH

woodpile

the limbs that stack so precariously
in the corner are the names
i will not touch with a ten-foot
pole, they poke and stir within
my mind, a tiny fire
and while i hear the crackling, i pretend
i do not hurt
and the vowels that sing out, round and loud,
destroy my vision,
and the consonants that reach out on repeat
collect my tears,
peace blurs
between the sky and the words building momentum
the longer i hesitate to say them, the more
they appear.

~

RNH

my own

with the silence like a blanket,
i buried beneath it and thought comfort
in its wrapped, protective fortress,
the mountain surrounding my chin to knees,
and when the arms i sought to open
crossed tighter,
i clamped shut
and knew the fault was not the covers',
when i finally crawled away from its warmth.

~

RNH

Ambivalence

he said, I wouldn't
bet on you if my life

depended upon it, your selfish,
recklessness being
so apparent and with fists
shoved into his soft, gray pockets, flipped
his hoodie up and definitively
walked, from her, away.

~

RNH

Dream Train

I was on a train

barreling down a tunnel

in a city I have

always lived in 

and the flashes of fluorescence

that permeated the black, dense

memory, sank into an ocean

of last bubbles. 

~

RNH

The Gambler

You risk as if you have nothing

To lose

And so will you, when I do not

Return. 

~

RNH

voyeur

bending the rules feels...
like an option, for you,
the journey itself in the reprieve
of a boundary, decent
once open, the pretense
of a curtain constantly pulled
between your legs.

~

RNH

Cup

We act like there are

no monsters or dragons in our lives,

no imminent dangers or emergencies,

And in this belief,

We feel safe. 

When the monsters and the demons
are in the lies that we tell ourselves,
that we are not strong enough
to defeat them,
And against this fire and claw,
We must fight.

~

RNH

on wings

In the forest between this life and the next

life, we are journeywomen
marking the distance and the place,
and from the galaxy to the right,
where our loved ones wait patiently
to return to us,
the butterflies dance on certain wings.

~

RNH